Did I say I was ready? Damn, today feels like a slap in the face. Since Daddy Land left on Sunday, I have been relatively fine. The tears have been kept to a minimum and not in front of the girls. Until today. Even the fish guy at the grocery store sent tears to my eyes when he sparked a conversation with the girls and the first words out of their mouths were about their daddy being gone and the package we are about to send to him in the desert. He said to thank Daddy Land for his service and told the girls to be good for mommy. I could not get away soon enough...the tears were coming.
Right now I feel like giving Bob Marley the finger. I guess what may have triggered this negativity was finding out that Daddy Land is going to "the desert" tomorrow instead of Saturday. I thought I had one more day in which we could share (almost, he is in Virginia) the same timezone and reach each other on our cell phones at any time of day. After tomorrow, it is the real deal. I guess Skype will become my best friend.
All day I have felt as though I have been stuck in the mud. I don't have the motivation to make the bed, to tell the girls no, or to go anywhere. It is one of those days where I feel like the kids are ganging up on me. They are constantly on calling me, arguing with me, or fighting with each other. In reality, they are just bored. But, I am at a loss as to what to do with them. There is only so much time I can spend at the pool, and that is about the only place we can go in this 100+ degree weather. I am already tired of doing this alone...can that be possible? I have a long way to go.
The bottom line is, I miss my best friend. My partner. Maybe tomorrow will be better. I am hoping that I look back on this post knowing it does get better.
5 weeks ago