A New Day

Sorry, friends, that I have been MIA. Been a little busy, to say the least. Not only with being a single mom, but also with play dates and dinners. Last week was truly a blessing. Yes, I was running around like my hair was on fire. And yes, I forgot to strap Ms. K into her car seat once (I only drove down our street until I heard the "Uh oh, mommy!" Never said I was perfect.) But we had so much to do, that we did not have a spare minute to obsess about missing Daddy Land. I want to thank all the friends that took time out of their days and nights to hang out with our little orphaned family. It warms our hearts to know just how many people have our back right now. BIG HUG!!!!!

In the midst of the first week Daddy Land was gone (when I wrote this sad little blog) I managed to snap a few pics of my darling girls. Right before I took these, I was having a "moment" of feeling extremely sorry for myself. These two little girls made me smile, just when I thought I would never stop crying. See for yourself.

This is Ms. K with her semi-mullet showing off her lovely new dentures given to her by a friend I won't mention. Thanks friend. Not the most flattering photo of my baby girl.

Here is Ms. M, always the lady, reading a potty book with sunglasses. Notice the blinds are shut behind her.

As I said, last week went well. This week we are off to a solid start. Ms. M has YMCA camp all week from 7:30AM-6PM. I KNOW! LONG DAY! I am missing her a bit, but also enjoying the quiet and alone time with my sweet Ms. K. That's all for now!

Stuck

Did I say I was ready? Damn, today feels like a slap in the face. Since Daddy Land left on Sunday, I have been relatively fine. The tears have been kept to a minimum and not in front of the girls. Until today. Even the fish guy at the grocery store sent tears to my eyes when he sparked a conversation with the girls and the first words out of their mouths were about their daddy being gone and the package we are about to send to him in the desert. He said to thank Daddy Land for his service and told the girls to be good for mommy. I could not get away soon enough...the tears were coming.

Right now I feel like giving Bob Marley the finger. I guess what may have triggered this negativity was finding out that Daddy Land is going to "the desert" tomorrow instead of Saturday. I thought I had one more day in which we could share (almost, he is in Virginia) the same timezone and reach each other on our cell phones at any time of day. After tomorrow, it is the real deal. I guess Skype will become my best friend.

All day I have felt as though I have been stuck in the mud. I don't have the motivation to make the bed, to tell the girls no, or to go anywhere. It is one of those days where I feel like the kids are ganging up on me. They are constantly on calling me, arguing with me, or fighting with each other. In reality, they are just bored. But, I am at a loss as to what to do with them. There is only so much time I can spend at the pool, and that is about the only place we can go in this 100+ degree weather. I am already tired of doing this alone...can that be possible? I have a long way to go.

The bottom line is, I miss my best friend. My partner. Maybe tomorrow will be better. I am hoping that I look back on this post knowing it does get better.

My New Look: Hot Bliggity Blog

Hey All! You may have noticed my new look here. I recently learned that people are having trouble leaving comments about my posts and I think it may have had to do with the background I downloaded a while back. And I love comments, so keep trying and let me know if you are still having trouble!

If you are looking for a new background for your blog, you can find one for free here.

Don't Worry...

"Don't worry about a thing,
'Cause every little thing gonna be all right.
Singin': "Don't worry about a thing,
'Cause every little thing gonna be all right!"

Rise up this mornin',
Smiled with the risin' sun,
Three little birds
Pitch by my doorstep
Singin' sweet songs
Of melodies pure and true,
Sayin', ("This is my message to you-ou-ou:")

Singin': "Don't worry 'bout a thing,
'Cause every little thing gonna be all right."
Singin': "Don't worry (don't worry) 'bout a thing,
'Cause every little thing gonna be all right!"

Rise up this mornin',
Smiled with the risin' sun,
Three little birds
Pitch by my doorstep
Singin' sweet songs
Of melodies pure and true,
Sayin', "This is my message to you-ou-ou:"

Singin': "Don't worry about a thing, worry about a thing, oh!
Every little thing gonna be all right. Don't worry!"
Singin': "Don't worry about a thing" - I won't worry!
"'Cause every little thing gonna be all right."

Singin': "Don't worry about a thing,
'Cause every little thing gonna be all right" - I won't worry!
Singin': "Don't worry about a thing,
'Cause every little thing gonna be all right."
Singin': "Don't worry about a thing, oh no!
'Cause every little thing gonna be all right!

I think God was speaking to me today through Bob Marley (weird...I know.) Daddy Land, the girls and I were headed back from a morning at the splash pad and heard this on the radio. This is our last full day together before he leaves for 7 months. But to tell you the truth, I think we are all at relative peace about it now. After the long fight we had with the Navy and several months of disbelief, bitterness, and sadness, I think we are really ready. We have done all we can. Daddy Land has bought all his gear, set up Skype, and tied up every loose end around the house he can think of. (He sure does like to make sure we are all well taken care of!) We have spent a lot of quality time together as a family and as a couple. We have spoken to the girls, watched the Sesame Street deployment video twice, hung a map on the wall, and made a paper chain for all the days Daddy will be gone. Now we just need to lean on God and our wonderful family and friends.

Tomorrow, I will lose my absolute BEST friend for 7 months. However, I am so thankful for the support and love we have received leading up to this and the helping hands that have been extended to get us through this. I guess now it is time..."Don't worry (don't worry) 'bout a thing,
'Cause every little thing gonna be all right!"

"What do you do?"

"Oh, I just stay at home with the girls," I say. Why do I say it like that? Maybe because I did not envision my life this way.

I did not envision my daily conversations consisting of "Momma? Momma? Momma? Momma?" "WHAT???" I did not envision endless piles of laundry and dirty dishes. Toys that always seem to creep back into the living room, my bedroom, the kitchen...anywhere really that they are not supposed to be. Wall "art" in the form of scribbles and stick figures. A minivan...What I did envision was a career. Then after I married at 25, had children at 29, I would effortlessly return back to the workforce after each child. I would easily juggle it all.

Well, I guess you could say God had other plans! I married the love of my life at age 21 before finishing my degree, much to my parents' dismay. Four months later I was pregnant with Ms. M. We then moved to Italy for three years (again, unhappy parents) where I worked part-time and on finishing my degree. Finally finished the degree in 2006 (check in the box) while I was pregnant with No. 2, Ms. K. I worked part-time from home (pretty miserably I might add) until last summer. This was when I finally became comfortable in my skin, as a mom.

I was brought up in a very estrogen-centric environment, to say the least. My poor father had three girls (a trend that may continue with our little family...if we choose to have more children). Feminism was rampant, which I personally don't think is a terrible thing. Women need to be in the workforce, they need to have the options they have today, there needs to be a woman president sooner rather than later, etc. But for me, these widely accepted expectations have tended to stifle my natural tendencies to want to be a stay-at-home mom (something I suspect my mother struggled with since she sometimes stayed home and sometimes worked part-time). And please don't get me wrong, I know my choice is not for everyone.

I guess the reason I struggle with the "What do you do?" question has to do with a woman's choice to stay at home not being a viable and smart option in the opinions of others. Fortunately, I have several circles of friends that do find it acceptable. However in most circles, women are expected to work. Especially, if they went to college. A woman wouldn't want to "waste" her education, would she? That isn't the way I see it. I believe my education is used everyday, just not used in order to make money. It is used when I carry out the family budget, fix booboos, and manage my time. I have the time to explore things like Crossfit, this blog, politics, and crafts with the kids that I would not have time to do otherwise.

Now, I don't want to give the impression that I think all families should be like mine. And I don't want anyone to think that I live in some sort of fairytale. Staying at home with the kids down right sucks sometimes. And I cry about it sometimes. Especially recently, since soon I will be a single stay-at-home mom (talk about a double whammy!). But, there are more days that do not suck than days that do. Days when I know I would cry if I had to go to work. Days when the conclusion of the conversation goes like this:

"Momma? Momma? Momma? Momma?"

"WHAT???"

"I love you."

"I love you too, sweetheart."

Thank you, God, for my family and blessed life.